Knowing your limits.

We all come from a past full of regret,hurt,insecurity's, and SCARS that we may have caused or that someone else gave us. For a long time I have carried around my baggage and have let my past dictate my future.
I know it's hard and it hurts but I no longer want to live that way. I say "If you don't have a past..Your boring." So if you have made "Mistakes" learn from them and let it go. Use it to better understand WHO YOU ARE and what your limits are. What is it that keeps getting in the way of you accomplishing great things. Learn what triggers you to stumble and fall.... and then... Get it the hell out of the way...you are going somewhere in life and there isn't time to waste tripping over the same damn things. Take it from Albert Einstein when he say's "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
After looking insane running into the same wall over and over again I decided I better turn around and head the other way LOL ;)
On the flip side People are people and they aren't perfect so WE ALL have been hurt by somebody at some point in life.
My heart still aches over things that have happened to me but, you know I am truly grateful for them...Now I am stronger and have the ability to relate to people on a much deeper and more compassionate level. I relate it to.... two mothers self conscious of their stretch marks from having children...both worried the other one will think they look grose if thy see but, once THEY take a good look at each other they can laugh and feel connected in knowing THEY BOTH have stretch marks...then they can talk about how it was worth it because, now they have beautiful children.
Ever since I have been willing to be transparent with people and have given them a good look at how imperfect I am...WOW...it has allowed them to feel comfortable in doing the same...it's so freeing to just be authentic and really connect with someone.
Now that I know it's not a sign of weakness to cry and that it's okay to show my hurt....I feel like I can breath as I let myself heal. sometimes there truly is beauty in pain.

Sometimes if you want to get somewhere better you have to leave some place behind.

There comes a time in life when one chapter is ending and another one has begun.
This new chapter of my life is a journey really, of letting go of the past and embracing my future. Why modeling?? Well...in my own way I am facing my fear.
I have felt both broken and worthless inside and have always struggled with not feeling good enough. I have been emotionally eaten alive and put down to wear I was so alone and numb that I didn't know who I was any more. The following is a song that reminds me of how I was feeling:

"Scream" by Zoegirl

Does anybody know how I feel?
Sometimes I'm numb, sometimes I'm overcome
Does anybody care what's going on?
Do I have to wear my scars like a badge on my arm
For you to see me, I need release

Do I have to scream for you to hear me?
Do I have to bleed for you to see me?
'Cause I grieve, you're not listening to me
Do I need to scream?

Has anybody seen what's been done?
Where was my defense? No one heard my protest
The eyes of God were watching me
It's time to make my peace, let it go and be released
So I can breathe again
I'm on my knees

I've been marked, set apart
But I'm cut so deep and afraid of the dark
One drop of blood from the hole in Your hand
Is enough to heal me and make me stand

'Cause I'm clean, He is listening to me

I don't have to scream for Him to hear me
Don't have to bleed for Him to see me
'Cause I'm clean, He is listening to me
I don't have to scream
I don't have to bleed
'Cause I'm clean, He is listening
And I don't have to scream

One night I couldn't take the pain anymore and I felt God pushing me to move forward
and make a change in my life. I had to take a walk in the unknown and at times I physically could not breath but, I pushed through it anyway and am stronger for it.
I no longer regret any of my past... I have more depth because of it. A good friend once told me that "Sometimes in life you have to experience who you are not inorder to experience who you are." I LOVE THAT!!!
So here I am putting myself out there for the world to see knowing VERY well that I am not EVERYBODY'S flavor and may get criticism but, I am a flavor and I want to embrace the beauty in that. I know there really is beauty in healing and the rainbow always comes after the rain.